You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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