so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
