im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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