If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
