Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
