I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
