I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
