When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
