At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
