just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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