I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
