After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
