so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
