I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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