I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
