i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
