why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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