So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
