Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
