you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
