I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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