Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
