I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize