Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
