Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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