i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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