you're like a bully in the Christmas story
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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