There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
