I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
