we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize