Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they need to just BURY HIM!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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