I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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