just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
