i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
