He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
