I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Im part way to drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
