Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
where are my eyebrows?
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