The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
