Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
