Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
