Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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