Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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