Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
