My cat gives me a boner
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
