the day after is always just damage control
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
