i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he fucked my hip out of place.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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