Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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