His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
