There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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