Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
