Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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