yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize