Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
