I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
