you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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