if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize