I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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