I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize