She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
