genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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