It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
