where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
