this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
