I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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