I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize