The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
