Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize