don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
