I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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