Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Randomize
