yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
