make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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