The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize