lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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