Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
