we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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