I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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