It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
