I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize