you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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