Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
