3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
