You can't special order awesome
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
