dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
