I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
