u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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