Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize