I love having hate sex.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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