what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Randomize
