I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
