Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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