the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
