dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
